April 2010: The Hermetically Sealed Sunshine World

We need to talk about The Hills. I'm sorry - it has to be done.

I find myself to be a relatively intelligent member of society. That being said - I love glossy, trashy reality television. The Hills was never at the top at that list because, let's be honest, it's staged within an inch of it's life. But it was fun, you could pick apart the outfits, and it had a good soundtrack.

 

On Tuesday, the first episode of the last season aired and it was HORRIFYING. And dangerous. Something has tilted. It's not horrifying in a bad television sort of way, but in a way that has me worrying about the future of civilization. This show used to be a harmless show about beautiful, blonde girls who love to create fake problems...now it's all cocaine and body dysmorphic tendencies.

Let's begin with Heidi, shall we? I knew Heidi Montag (vaguely) a few years ago because I went to college with Holly. Pre-reality fame, Heidi was a gorgeous, silly, skinny girl from Crested Butte. Now it's as though her entire being has become this sad pile of saline, restylane, and pre-packaged dialogue. Sigh. Her life has become the sum total of all of our pop cultural sins. The shot of her mom seeing her for the first time post-op was probably the most reality this show has ever seen. And because of that - it was exploited. It was sad, really.

Now we Peruvian march on to Kristin Cavallari. I like frenzied weekends in Miami as much as the next girl, but there are cameras. Shooting for a nationwide audience. Maybe you should put your coke and vodka fueled weekend on hold? Being the "fun, crazy, drunk girl" was fun in college when you wanted to prove to your boyfriend that you "party just like one of the guys." But come on, wipe your nose.

But who are these sad hags judging? Um, Steph? Didn't you just get a DUI? Haven't you been to rehab twice already? Exactly.





I guess my biggest issue is with MTV and their reality is that they have birthed this idea that bad decisions are a good thing because it might someday make you famous. Acting like an asshole, exploiting your eight kids, crashing parties at the White House, pretending your child is flying above Denver in a silver Jiffy Pop tin all spawned from the Real World and/or The Hills.

Wasn't the point of reality TV the idea that it would show how people actually live? Call me naive but some receptionist at a music company (ahem...Audrina) could never afford that house of hers or a Mercedes G-Class. These people have created fame and money out of their personal lives in lieu of any real talent and/or intelligence. What happens in 5 years when Heidi is no longer getting $50,000 for an appearance fee? What happens in three months when the show is off the air? Off to porn she goes, my friends. Mark my words.

So my question is....do we keep watching? I mean, I have contributed to the viewership that has perpetuated this train wreck. We've all had our noses pressed up against the glass participating in the fun parts and then ignoring the ugly. It's got to come to and end sometime.